1) Toilets need not be flushed…it’s too time consuming and we’re in a hurry. All toilets need to be automatic if flushing MUST happen.
2) Sprite, Lemonade and Chocolate Milk are the only beverages that are to be offered during any mealtime or snack.
3) Snacks should occur at least every ½ hour. They should consist of Nutella & graham crackers, chocolate covered almonds, cheez-its, or peanut buttered pretzels.
4) The only channels needed on the TV are Disney, Noggin and PBS…the TV can remain on at all times at the highest level of volume. (well, okay, you can have the weather channel just to check if we can wear tank tops or not)
5) All dirty clothes, and clean for that matter, need only to be piled in a corner of the bedroom . If something cannot be found, yell at the top of your lungs until someone comes to help or simply cry…because that will definitely solve all your problems.
6) Furniture is to be used as a jungle gym. No need to sit on it properly. (see picture below)
7) Everything can be healed with a bandaid.
8) Mommies need to read to their children every night for longggggggg periods of time…not just one or two chapters….preferably, just keep reading until the children fall asleep.
9) Daddies are also to be used for jungle gym purposes.
10) Toys should be left out at all times for easy and quick access. Preferably, in the middle of the room, on the stairs or in hallways.
11) Talking should be at an octave that can be heard at least one county over, regardless of the fact that your parents are 2 feet away.
12) There is no need to cover your mouth/nose when sneezing as washing your hands will delay the fun.
13) It is a badge of honor to be able to clog the toilet with half a roll of toilet paper when one has only gone pee.
14) One need not just one mode of transportation: load your garage with 4 strollers, 6 bikes, 4 scooters, a wagon, 2 baby walkers, a motorized john deere tractor…oh…and your parent’s cars…
15) Parents are most often deaf, therefore it is necessary to call upon their names 3-4 times before it is humanly possible for them to respond (also, remember #11 while speaking their names)
16) It makes perfect sense to ask to play with the neighbor kids AFTER dinner, when you’ve just spent 10 hours with them BEFORE dinner.
17) Macaroni and cheese made at the neighbor’s house is ALWAYS better than a 5 course meal made at your own home.
18) When one cannot remember the last time you bathed, it is best to wait just one more night, since your sheets are already dirty.
19) When mommy says it’s time to turn the TV off, it is perfectly reasonable to go on the computer and watch videos.
20) When one claims to be full, that clearly means that there is no room for any more healthy food…however, it does NOT mean that you can’t chow down on icecream, chocolate or anything else sweet!!!
