Have you ever felt so completely and utterly misunderstood?
I wish I had some spiritual-esque thing to say, some godly insight to my heart ponderings…but right now, I’m physically and emotionally spent. That’s the worst time of it too…when you’re so tired, Satan just likes to sweep in and make matters worse…and so I’m fighting (which is making me MORE tired)
For me, talking/praying my way out seems to help alleviate the ouch on the inside. And so, please feel free to just by pass this post altogether, because seriously, there are other things in life that are wayyy more important than me feeling hurt over a situation…
Like these cute babies in Africa
Like this blog-mom who is fighting for her baby’s life right now
Like spending time with your spouse or children…
And so…
I’m a simple girl, who thinks wayyyyy deep about things…
And whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but WORDS will never hurt me…” was an idiot!!! They do hurt, and so do actions, and so does insincerity, and so does fakeness, and so does patronizing, and so does comparison, and so do cheap shots to make yourself look better…
I’m not immune to doing those things in a weak moment, when I feel threatened or my Mama Bear comes out. I’m ashamed when I do so too…I’m not one for keeping up appearances (have you SEEN my wardrobe?) I would rather be, what you see is what you get…and yet, I’m not very witty. I’m simple, (yet a little complex in my head). In that simplicity though, I get stomped on…my words can be spun to mean something completely different than what was intended and I look like a fool. In that being real, I can get patronized and pitied for something that God is doing in my life…it’s absurd.
Do I see too much good in other people that I allow myself to believe that there is no way that they could be THAT mean? Because it really shocks me when it happens. Do I put certain people on a pedestal? I don’t like being played for a fool. It's like someone continually telling me that the grass is blue, but I'm TELLIN' YA...IT'S LOOKIN' MIGHTY GREEN TO ME!!!
I’m tired…I’m tired to trying to make everyone else feel good, bending over backwards, even at my own and my children’s expense to let other people feel like they are ahead of the game…
Do I have it written across my forehead, “YO, I’m just pathetic, stand next to me, point out my faults and you will look FANTASTIC!!!” or better yet “Come patronize me, it will make you look like an angel”
Needless to say, I had a bit of a rough day…I’ve been dealing with something on the inside for a long time…I feel weepy tonight…Even when I get a chance to talk it out, I can’t let myself say all the hurt out loud because I’m too scared I will hurt someone else in the process. Then I regret that I don’t say enough…although I’d regret it more if I said too much. It’s not something that gets fixed overnight…I don’t know if it’s something that necessarily gets fixed at all…but meanwhile, it hurts…
See what I mean…this post is meaningless…it’s me spouting off to the blogosphere my selfish hurts…ridiculous!!! I know! But, I’m done now…over…done…blah…
I take solace in the fact that there is SomeOne who knows my insides and how I feel regardless…and so, I’m going to take the evening to just rest…in Him…’night!
