Some people get into all that stuff and some people just think it's a bunch of psycho babble...however, since this is my blog and I get to write whatever I happens to be flitting through my head at the moment, I'm going to "discuss" this little topic with
So...let us begin at the beginning...or at least at a place where I can put some tangible explanations to my thoughts...When Italian Stallion and I got married, you must understand that our "dating" experience was completely long-distance. Yes, we had been best friends for all the years in the college, but it wasn't until after college that we actually made it "official" that we were dating.
Let us remember that this was in the time period of no cell phones and neither of us owned a computer. Therefore our time getting to know one another was on one long distance phone call a week for about an hour on the weekend and WRITTEN letters...with paper and pen...Lord, have mercy I am soooo thrilled for email let me tell you! (you'll understand even more in awhile, but suffice it to say, WORDS get to me!)
I'm a words person...words spoken, written, typed...you name it...I like words...I like to read them, I like to speak them...I'm an all around alphabet guru! And boy, did my honey build into that for 3 years...I have all those letters saved...wish I could have recorded the telephone conversations...we couldn't see each other so we
For a person like me, you better believe that I felt OVER THE MOON happy about this arrangement (minus the part that I never got to see him...but still, I"m feeling LOVED and that's the point I'll eventually get to I promise)
The problem arose when we got married and all of a sudden we didnt' need to telephone or write letters to talk to one another...we were in the same room...the same house...and therefore, where this was just relaxing to poor Italian Stallion...I went a little stir crazy. Now, knowing how much I loved those "word filled" years, I began to try to incorporate it into every day life...to the point that I often disregarded the dishes in the sink...come on now, I was composing a beautiful love note that I"m SURE was going to knock his socks off...
Then he'd get home read said note, say thanks and then hmphhh because the kitchen was a mess.
I didn't get it...So Saturday would come and he'd scour the bathrooms and clean the kitchen to sparkling and sweep out the garage...and I'd say, "hey, thanks for helping...want to go for a walk and talk" To which he'd reply, "Honey, I'm exhausted now...umm, I think I"ll just sit and watch the TV"
You can see where this is going (I hope)
The long and short of it...I went back into the recesses of all my stored research about marriage & stuff and managed to pull up something about love or whatever...and I stumbled across my old Love Languages Book...
DUH...The way I feel most cherished and loved is to hear it...to read it...to put words to thoughts and emotions...it's just how I'm wired...To Italian Stallion, his top way of feeling loved is when acts of service are performed with him in mind...thoughtful actions, centered around who he is...a clean kitchen, an organized desk, shoes in a row, a vacuumed car, ironed shirt...
Here we were trying to show love to each other in a way that WE felt it, but it wasn't sinking in for the other person...
Fast forward 12.5 years and we've got 3 girls...each of whom have different love languages as well...One is just like me...craving affirmation and notes and cards and compliments...One feels love most when time is spent...she's the one that is always asking to help in the kitchen when I'm there or help fix a toilet with Daddy or play Wii with someone...she just wants to BE with you for no other reason than to connect in that way, because she feels loved in that...One of them feels most loved and secure through touch...she's my girl that will constantly put her hands on my cheeks and pull me close to her and say, "you are my best mommy!"...she's very tactile and wants to hold hands, sit close (if not on top ofyou) on the couch, she wants to hug...
It's amazing how we are all differently wired... oh my, not only just an honor, but sometimes overwelming to me, my responsibility as a parent to show love to my girls so that they REALLY know DEEP down how much they are cherished...and to figure out what makes them tick and how to tune into those "languages"...to be able to talk with them in the future about it so that they can be aware of tendencies or weaknesses because of their "draw" to a certain way of loving...oh my...sometimes my head just spins with it...
I've been thinking of it more lately...we are fast approaching the no more preschool/toddler days...the time where my girls are going to be facing tougher choices and responsibilities...they are coming into their own...I've been watching them more and talking less (which is a big one for me...believe me)
But oh, what I've learned...
do you know your love language or that of your kiddos? do you ever struggle, like me to show them love in the way they "feel" it most? just wondering:)
Have a great day!
