I mentioned that I read that Beth Moore book...so, if you've already read it or are thinking about it, feel free to just pass on this post (don't want to spoil it for you:)
But, if you're just passin' by on your blog surfing for the day, I hope you are inspired by her words as much as I was:
without further ado: Quotes from Mrs. Moore
“If I search around long enough, I’ll find insecurity beneath my grandiosity, and arrogant expectations beneath my self-contempt”
“Perfectionists’ black and white thinking take them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good.”
“The trap is not only placing our security in something that gives a false positive (like appearance or materialism, etc), it’s also in fighting like a mad dog to keep it there.”
“What God initiates, He equips us to handle. This is true even when emotional assimilation requires a process.”
“Anybody can be like everybody else. Only those who are exceptional choose to believe the possible over the probable.”
Or how about this one:
“How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty”…HELLO…He lives IN ME! I’m the dwelling place…do you grasp that?
These quotes are all over the board…and well, they should be considering I just grabbed them out of context in about 5 different chapters in the entire book…but, these are the ones that grabbed me first…
Quote #1 Oh, here is where I lie…in the duplicity/complexity of this pride versus low self-esteem…There was an interesting insight that she listed that just hit me square in the face: “Although perfectionists seem very insecure, doubting their decisions and actions, fearing mistakes and rejection and having low opinions of themselves, AT THE SAME TIME, they have excessively high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision…which suggests an aspiration to be better than others.” There, I said it…that’s me…a lot of the time…and doggone it, I am aware of it now…which means I have to do something about it…and it’s hard. I’ve always had a mentality that people put other people on shelves…they arrange them according to their “value”…and I”ve always believed that if I could just make it ON a shelf, then I could prove and climb myself to the next shelf. The problem with this is that 1) I’m not sure if everyone “gets” the whole shelf thing and 2) what gets me on one person’s shelf, doesn’t on another person…and so I’m constantly trying to figure out what it would take to succeed…3) sometimes there's just nothing I can do to win the "acceptance" or "shelf value" of someone else.
Let’s skip to the last quote I have up there because it blows this concept or my “false positive” out of the water… "I’m the dwelling place for Jesus”…well duh…who gives a rip about someone else’s shelf for me…I’m a whole house, people!!!
I read this book and so many things just struck me and I’d have to stop and process…and I still am…processing that is…not stopping…
I have 3 little girls watching me…I don’t want to be an actress for them…I don’t want them to see a perfect mom that everyone adores…that seems to do everything right…who appears to be the most spiritual…who says all the right things at the right time…who can “repent” with the best of them so as to appear “real”…I hate appearances to be honest…all those things are really great and deep down, I know that I want them, if I'm truly honest with myself…but, I want them because I think other people will then appreciate me more and like me more…that’s NOT a good enough reason.
I have a long way to go in dealing with this whole Insecurity thing…it’s crazy sometimes and throws me for a loop...I have enough baggage from my life that I've allowed to form my perceptions…I hope I haven’t scared you off with my vulnerable admissions…but, I am a “watcha see if watcha get” sort of person…so I think you already knew that. And if I don't fit on one your shelves...that's okay...I'm just gonna focus on fixin' up His whole house a bit...and dusting shelves isn't a priority at the moment!
