Since beginning the Esther Bible study (that I think I mentioned a time or two before)
I’ve really been amazed at how God can come off a page in book where His NAME is NEVER mentioned…how crazy is that?
I’ve imagined Esther and all the “crazy-head” stuff she must have gone through…
Like, “Oh my goodness, I get to have all these beauty treatments…get me a massage room and a diet coke please!”
Right into: “What? It’s my turn? To go see the king? Like NOW? Okay, be still my heart!”
Then onto: “You’ve GOT to be kidding me? I’m the QUEEN?”
And then life gets REALLY crazy… “This crazy best friend of my husband’s has just ordered the annihilation of all my people and my husband doesn’t even GET it?”
And “Dear Uncle, you don’t understand…he hasn’t “called” me in over a month…I haven’t SEEN my husband in a MONTH…you want me to just saunter on in???”
It just goes on and on…She must have been on an emotional rollercoaster for a very long time…and in the midst of it…she just obeys…Tonight, our study brought us to:
It’s hard being a woman who feels responsible to bring the “how”
I’ve really been thinking about what my “hard being a woman statements would be”…but, not just being a woman…but of being a mom, a wife, a sister, a sister in law, a friend…I find that I struggle with lots of things all over the board. Sometimes it’s just overwhelming…but other times, I’m hopeful because on this journey, I know there have got to be others that deal with at least some of these things too..What is that “misery enjoys company” or something along those lines?
I thought I’d just be real vulnerable here and write a list of all those “little” things that go on in my crazy head…things that I desperately need my Father to help me with!
THINGS I STRUGGLE WITH:
Time management: getting out the door on time with all 3 girls and just getting MYSELF out the door when it’s just me
Feeling pretty on the outside with the extra baby flab that hangs over like a muffin top over my jeans that used to be loose, but now I am barely hangin’ on in the smaller size, knowing full well that I should just go get my bigger jeans out of the closet (and I’m writing this while sipping on a Vente White Chocolate Frappaccino from Starbucks…lowfat mind youJ)
Feeling good on the inside because I just can’t seem to be consistent when it comes to a DAILY quiet time…
Obviously, I struggle with EMOTIONS since I’m “feeling” all over the place and I struggle with realizing that it’s not based on a feeling!
Fear that something will happen to my husband or any family member (this is still a fear from when my sister died while I was in college)
Relationships when I think that someone doesn’t like me or I basically feel like they just tolerate me
Balancing schooling, keeping the house clean, spending play time with my girls and then having enough energy to cook dinner and be with my husband at the end of the day
Comparison: as a wife, as a Mommy, the appearance of my house, the appearance of ME, how I sing, the choice of clothes, how I teach, even my scrapbooking and blogging…it’s not an everyday struggle, but it just pops up unaware…and I’m usually on the “losing” end of that comparison game.
Being consistent with exercise and then feeling guilty about it…but feeling guilty for doing it when I know it takes me away from my girls
Decision making: I not only struggle with making the decision, but once the decision is made, then being okay with the decision and not second guessing myself every time something doesn’t go as planned.
Laundry: I can’t seem to get a handle on this…I never have just 2 loads (colors and whites) It’s more like 6 loads at a time because it just piles up so fast…and then comes the folding and putting away…that about puts me over the edge.
Over obsession: basically thinking too much about myself IN THAT…if something is wrong I usually think everyone else thinks it was MY fault…or that I’m the problem…(as if they really are spending time thinking about ME at all!)
Realizing that this list could go on forever and forever…but for right now, this is about all I can actually stomach…so I close tonight…probably giving you a little TMI, so forgive me and click on someone else’s blog on the right for some light wit and humor!!!
