At times she wants to be just like her sisters…brushes her teeth, puts on her clothes, drinks from a straw and big cup, has been using a fork since I can’t even remember when she didn’t…but other times…whooweee…she can throw a temper tantrum like NONE OTHER!!! I mean the wailin’ and thrashin’ and tears just streaming…I just sit back and I think I am in shock. I’m not trying to pick on my child…I really do love her ummm “passion”…and the thing is, I never want to come across as a parent that has just figured it all out, or has some spiritual guidelines that I have set and the equation will pop out the perfect little angel…and so I share when I downright fail or just don’t have a clue what I am doing! So in a way, I'm thankful for these little "idiosyncricies" (no idea if I spelled that right) in my little C...she keeps me on my toes, and from getting too big for my own britches! (My weight is already helping me in that area anyway!)
I LOVE my girls…I love their quirks…I love their sensitivity…but they know that they are not perfect and I sure do know it as well, for heaven’s sake, look at their mother!…I get a little uncomfortable around people who just rave about their children, give me “spiritual advice” and then tell me their children’s weaknesses…like say, “Oh Johnny just struggles with perfectionism…you know, he just wants to be perfect” or “I just can’t get Susie to eat her brussel sprouts…I mean, she eats carrots, eggplant, avacado, broccoli, beans, peas, you name it, etc etc” …Good grief, if that’s all you got, please just keep it to yourself…(Obviously these are crazy examples because I don’t want to offend anyone, but I think you’re getting my point) My oldest is only 7 and I’m dealin’ with all kinds of stuff with all 3 of my girls at all their different stages…it’s not because I’m a bad mom and it’s not because they’re bad kids…it’s because everyone comes out with sin in their hearts…we’re called to shepherd our kids…they ARE going to embarrass us, and I’d rather get red, smile and just move on than try to excuse it away or try to spiritualize the matter. Don’t other people deal with disobedience or defiance or fear or selfishness or arguing or whining???
This came out of nowhere in my head today. I think I just get tired of appearances. Just watching people trying to dress right, say the right thing, live in the right community, own a big house, have all the right “toys” and then have these perfect kids. And I get caught up with it too…and it’s frustrating. I don’t want to compare my kids or try to get them to be something so that they will “Look” right in the eyes of others…nor do I want to have to “explain” their behavior so that it will appear that I had a reason all along, for why they did what they did…
I want to love them…unconditionally, to the best of my ability. I am going to fail them…too many times to count. I want to cultivate really great relationships with them, but I know that even if I do, I can’t control their hearts…and I just want to love them, and make sure they know it, in the deepest part of themselves. Regardless of what they look like, or if they match their clothes, or if they are kooky, or if they insist on wearing boots in the summer time, or if they throw major temper tantrums in the middle of the store and everyone is staring and thinking, “that woman has NO control over her children, humph, what a loser!”…and don't think people don't think things like that, especially if they themselves have PERFECT children!!! I'm sure with their parenting style, their children would NEVER do a thing like that!
Thank you Lord for giving me the girls I have, with the temperaments and personalities that they have…thank you for the age span, and that you’ve only given me what I can handle and when I can’t, you give me enough grace to get through. Please do NOT allow me to get prideful or to think that I have just “done things right”, even if my girls DO turn out like angels in the end!
