My friend Marla wrote a blog post this week that really struck a nerve with me. She has such a way with words and it really got me thinking...
The basic premise of her post was, "“Some people you just can’t love without an epidural.” WOW...do you get the meaning of that? To read her post in it's entirety, click here.
I went au natural on all 3 of our girls' births. I don't have first hand knowledge of an epidural...It's not that I have anything against them, but I DO NOT like needles...I cry like a baby when they "have" to put that stupid I.V. ...I begged them each and every time..."please, I promise I won't die or dehydrate or even scream, just please don't put that needled into my skin!!" to no avail...and so, for all 3 births, my left arm hung limp over the side of the bed where I didn't have to acknowledge the fact that there was some contraption connected to my veins.
All this to say, I chose the immense pain of LABOR over an epidural...do you get this people? I would rather go through physical, time-consuming, mind-bending pain than be stuck with a long needle...Now, I say this because you need that reference point to understand my next statement...
I WOULD take a real, live epidural (if such a literal one existed) in order to deal with certain people in my life. side note: if you are reading this...then this doesn't apply specifically to you...so don't get nervous or anything:) Okay...so basically what I'm saying is that emotional pain trumps physical pain, trumps fear of needles...
There are times that I can leave a conversation with certain people and feel utterly defeated, beat up, sad, angry, defensive...and sometimes it makes me just want to crawl into bed and cry and swear to never face them again. What I wouldn't do for an epidural to take away the pain of their words, their actions, their pride, the hurt they inflict...
What I often forget to hang onto, is just what Marla said: But it is what it is. And I am called to love. I have no excuse. When I find myself face-to-face (or cyber-face-to-face) with someone I just can’t love naturally, I call for the Anesthesiologist. And unlike the anesthesiologist at the hospital, He’s always there, Big Huge Needle at the ready. All prepped for the God-Epidural to be injected into my poor little back.
I need to call out and depend on a little more often, the ONE who knows what I can and can't handle...the ONE who knows what words and subtle hints cut me to the heart...the ONE who loves me, just as much as He loves the one doing the hurting to me. Man, that is hard to swallow sometimes...
What's also hard, is to realize that there are people out there that need an "epidural" when dealing with MOI as well...I don't bring out the best in everyone...I'll bet my girls and husband could attest to that every so often...I just pray that in God's timing, He'll let me know those times...I'd much rather be an encourager, a loyal friend, an authentic, real person that people can rely on...but, I know that I allow sin to take over sometimes too...and those poor people...
Let's just pray they aren't as scared of needles as I am!
