My plan was never to use this blog as a platform by which to "preach"...
It still isn't.
However, as I'm reading about 4 books simultaneously: Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Radical by David Platt, the book of Isaiah by...uhhh, GOD, and some historical fiction ABOUT the book of Isaiah by Lynn Austin called Gods and Kings. I have lots of thoughts going around in my head. And if you even have an inkling as to my personality by now, you realize that it is nearly impossible for me to keep my mouth shut when trying to come to a conclusion about something in my brain...it's as if "talking" gets me to the finish line...
Therefore, periodically, you may see the little above post title of a "book interjection"...this is my arena by which I can spill what's on my brain...however, if you're not interested or not reading those books or really don't have an interest in the deep thoughts of crazy, picture-taking Mama who may or may not think Spaghettios is part of the food pyramid...then you can feel free to just by pass the post for that day and come back when I'm writing about more interesting things like how much laundry I was able to accomplish in a single day or how I was miraculously able to get the toothpaste goo off the ceramic tile...
the choice is yours...
and with that I begin:
I missed out on Lifegroup last night because I had "Creative Arts Team" practice...(there's a whole story behind the fact that we do not title it as Worship team, but that's really for another post, another day and at least a few weeks after I've tackled the plethera of remedies to disposing of fruit flies and getting ground oreos out of the carpet...)
where was I?
Yes...so, I missed the first Chapter of Crazy Love Discussion... I thought I"d just share MY thoughts on the chapter here...on my blog...cuz I can:)
There were 3 things that struck me in this chapter...right after the title: Stop Praying
I want to say that right here, it got me...because you know what? I struggle BIG TIME with prayer. It goes back to my perception of God...which if we travel back in time to specific experiences in my life where GOOD things were asked for and denied...well, it just makes for the whole, "why bother asking anymore?"
So basically, "you had me at...Stop praying"
He had us watch a couple of "awe" videos to get the idea of how big is, etc etc...and although it WAS awe-inspiring...all of His creation...what rocked me was this statement:
"If your high view of God doesn't affect how yout hink of Him, then He's just another word in the sand."
See, I "think" I get how big He is...He's CREATOR, He's almighty, He's all-powerful, He's bigger than I can imagine...you can put a million titles in here...
The problem is, is that though I may "know" it...I stuff it into my little box b/c to be completely, vulnerably honest: I don't want Him to disappoint me...
There I said it...
and therefore, I don't often LIVE as though God is really that big...sure He's big enough to handle all my problems, my parenting questions, my fear of the children getting hurt or sick, the worries of abillion things...but, then I think, "I can handle this one, I mean He gave me a brain right? so I'll just use it and not tap into His power for me today..." And I feel like I'm being strong and brave and courageous...when in reality, I'm just scared...scared of trusting.
Here's where it's even more scary for me: God is all-powerful right? (umm..yeah, you just said that duh) F.Chan states, "Don't we live instead as though God is created for US, to do OUR bidding, to bless US, and to take care of OUR loved ones? versus Col. 1:16 Can I worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to me? I'll admit to you that this is difficult...I'm a communication person...I want reasons adn explanations...I like to understand the whys...I ask my girls and my husband all the time, "why did you do it that way? what makes you think it will work?..."
He doesn't HAVE to answer me and that makes me a little mad...it's scary to give that control to Him and trust that He loves me...does anyone else even have a clue what I'm feeling like?
lastly...I liked this last statement even though it frightens me...I know that once I start to take to HEART who God is more and more, statements like this will be EMPOWERING instead of frightening...
"God cannot be contained in this world, explained by our vocabulary, or grasped by our understanding"
So there you have it...those are my "thoughts" for the moment. I will be back to discussing raking leaves and flu vaccines in the near future...until then...hope you have a GREAT weekend!
