1000 Gifts

I finally received THE long-awaited BOOK in the mail last week.  I made myself put it on a shelf and wait...

I knew that if I started it, I wouldn't want to put it down and then I'd have more piles of laundry to deal with...(you'd think we have a gazillion clothes the way I discuss laundry, but really, it's a lack of me keeping things folded and put away and trying to teach that jeans CAN be worn at least 2 times if you haven't played outside in them)

Anyway...when I received a moment to myself (around 11:30 at night) I began my journey...

I discovered early on that this book is not one to be gulped down...but rather, needs to be sipped...or taken in very small bites...

...and then you have to take some time to chew...

I am amazed at Ann's ability to put into poetic words, the emotion and vulnerability that she has endured.  I marveled at the way she was able to weave words together...sometimes, having to reread paragraphs over and over just to allow the meaning to sink deep. 

Does is sound silly to talk about a book like you would food?  This isn't a book to be devoured...it isn't even a book to be sweetly eaten with a carefree laugh...but, neither is it painfully difficult...

Rather, it is a soul-searching journey...I don't know Ann personally...she seems like a quiet, gentle spirited woman...one who works hard, feels deeply and strives to do what is right.  She has a calmness about her that is inspiring...whereas, I am one who dives headlong into the craziness of life...often looking back and wishing I could take it back and try again...I sometimes act first and think later...

Therefore, I love to watch her journey, but am struck by the reality that I must try to find this "peace" or in her words, this "eucharisteo" or thankfulness in my own life...I must find a way to apply it in a way that fits with the way that I am wired...
Principles are true though...they are solid and foundational...and if I can but grasp those, and then seek to apply them, I think I will have begun my "training", as she calls it. 

There are times that her words stun me...not in a shocking, awful way, but in a way that shoots straight to the heart and makes you realize what you have missed...

"Do no not disdain the small.  The whole of life--even the hard--is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole."

"Is the height of my joy dependent on the depths of my thanks?"

There are countless more quotes, but I can't do them justice in a simple blog post...I must encourage anyone else to read for themselves...I have long struggled with "giving up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy, self-focus for God-communion"  But, she has discovered a way to fully live-to live full of grace and joy and all that is beauty eternal...

it is possible!

WANTED: Patience???

So many times I must pray for patience...

and yet, I know deep in my heart, that I'm not really wanting patience, but rather, circumstances that don't require patience at all...

I'd rather that a trip to the toilet be JUST a trip to the toilet and NOT a trip to the bath TUB as well...

I'd rather that a full sippy cup, potty stop, teeth brushed, prayers said, reading together and a kiss & hug would be enough to lull sleepy ones to dreamland and not 10 more climbs up and down the stairs to answer "one more question" and "could you fix the nightlight"

I'd rather that recipes just cook themselves and work out regardless of whether I've followed them to the "T" or not.

I'd rather the electricity never go out, lines never be long, snow always to melt quickly and coupons to be in my mailbox the day I actually need them.

The reality is...I can't control the circumstances...and no matter how much I WANT them to be just so, more times than not, it's not going to be that way...

Prov. 14:29 says, "A patient man has great understanding..." I guess that clues me in that patience isn't just a matter of behavior or taking a deep breath...it almost carries a "timeless" factor...meaning that it is able to put into perspective this "speck" of time, in the midst of the countless moments in earthly measurement of life...

A dictionary definition for patience is "hopeful forebearance"

To be patient is to not lose hope.
To be patient is to understand and see beyond the circumstance.
To be patient is to see reality for what it is and discern how my heart will react.

THIS is what I need...this is what I pray for...

I will continue to encounter the mishaps, the accidents, the occasional nasty driver...I can't control them...

but, I can pray that the time it takes for me to recognize and get my heart under control will be quicker than my selfish desire to lash out and react in annoyance...

Here's to hopeful forebearance!!!

Silly Old Fox, doesn't he know? There's no such thing as a Gruffalo...

To see life through their eyes...

eyes I once had...a longggggg time ago...

there is such joy in the little things

Such satisfaction in the seemingly insignificant..

such laughter and acceptance of lessons learned.

We were recently introduced to the story of The Gruffalo by my brother...his boys LOVE (and that's putting it mildly) this story...the repetition and rhyme...it makes it so much fun...

I couldn't resist sharing the whole story.  I do understand that it does take up over 6 minutes of your time...but, she's my baby...and I think it's adorable...so please enjoy...and if you don't, just tell me that you did anyway:)

A Valentine De-brief

Communication is key...

Yes, there must be love, and forgiveness, and sacrifice, and the list goes on...

these are all tools and attitudes that not only keep a marriage grounded, but keep it climbing and growing at the same time...

My Stallion and I only ever "dated" long distance...yes, we were best friends through college...dating other people, sifting through the sea of people, only to come back and "discuss" the pros and cons with each other...

It wasn't until I graduated that the realization that the "best friend Love" has now transitioned into something more...and NOW, we're nearly 9 hours away from each other...

And let's just put it out there...I'm needy and clingy and feel most loved in times of repetitive affirmation...

And another thing: this was during the time of NO cell phones...back in the stone ages when long distance cost extra!!

And so...we talked

and talked and talked and talked

and sent letters and notes and journals

We learned to "hear" body language through a tone of voice...I could tell when a smirk was rising up across his lips just by the lilt of his voice in the phone receiver...

Little did we know that all those years of practice would lead us to present day...when he has to be away from us all for work...

We have new ways to communicate: texting, email, facebook...but, he knows me best...I like to hear him...

And so, after sending a picture text of this beautiful gift that arrived at my back door...(knowing that he was probably chomping at the bit, wondering when it would arrive and not wanting to call before hand lest he give it away)

I got that call...

I could "see" him smiling...so big that your eyes almost get squinty...and then the nonchalant, "OH...so you got that huh?"

He only had 2 minutes, in between meetings...

He gives me all 120 seconds...I love that I can "hear" and "see" that he wants to give me more...

It was sad to not be together...but, at the same time, it's been fun to fall back on old lessons learned...like getting on a bike after a long winter...only to find that you still know how to ride and you still love the feel of the wind in your face.

The girls and I made it special with a homemade dinner and place settings...

I discovered my NEW FAVORITE STORE: Hobby Lobby...it's a treasure trove of craftiness...and sea of indecision but, so worth it to ride the waves!

Sweetpea sooo wanted Susan of Narnia arrows to finish off her outfit...and Peanut needed Lucy's dagger...my dad came to my rescue with the dagger...he and I...yup, we're the treasure keepers...he was able to locate a rubbery dagger in the midst of his "collection" and gave me a couple to work with...Along with some brown foam, some gold plastic-y twine stuff and a few wooden rods...we ahd some great Valentine Gifts for the older girls:)  Little Munchkin got a new Cd with a book AND she got to hang out with Mommy all day...that's a plus in my book:)

It's worth celebrating Valentine's Day...just another reminder...in case it's been a long winter for you:)

((if you are friends on facebook, you can see the whole album of pictures there:))

Love is more than a choice

He won't like this...

Not because he doesn't enjoy words...for he chooses them carefully.

Rather, he doesn't want the spotlight...almost polar opposite he is from his wife...

He is reserved, quiet, watchful as I tend to run headlong into the craziness and/or create it myself!

It isn't as I planned...and yet, I wouldn't change that decision if I could go back...

My PLAN was to find my future mate while on a singing team in college...we would marry, he would play guitar and I would sing and I suppose we'd make millions off of our love...

OH MY!

My plan started to unravel the moment I stepped onto the college campus, because you can hardly find the vocalist love of your life when you are placed on a puppet team instead of the traveling singers group!

I tried hard though...I fell fast for the leader of my team and tried to revamp my "vision"...could we still make millions if he did puppets and I sang behind the stage for the voice overs???? I should have realized then, that something might be amiss...but, I so wanted things to go along a certain pathway...

Enter a high school senior...

One guy amidst a sea of children at a Bible club...laughing, praying, teaching...just being...sacrificing his time...

I thought he was cute and that I could "mother" him as he came onto the college scene that following fall...ME, being the OLDER WOMAN...

Thus began phone calls, the lunch meetings, the saved seats, the gumball runs, the becoming my best friend.

It wasn't in my plan and therefore, I wasn't aware of what was happening...but, I was being challenged, loved, accepted and morphing into the person that I was meant to be...

He did this for me...It's what happens when someone chooses not just to love you, but to accept you, see the best in you, put your needs before his own...

Through my idiosyncricies, through my past, through my present...he hung on...

Rather, HE held ME through it...

I am reminded of the times that I beat on his chest and pushed him away from me...angry with the world, angry with my then-present situations, angry with my God...

I remember giving him every reason to give up on me...to run the other way...to find a better match...a more suitable helpmate for him...

But, he chose me...I wasn't something to be fixed in his eyes...I was someone to love...

I am forever in awe of who God allowed me to marry...

We are not perfect...but we are a perfect match.  He often sees in me things I can't see myself...both good and bad...He helps me chip away the bad and cheers me on with the good...

I celebrate today not only his choice, but his sacrifice, his friendship, his "I'm sorry"s, his thinking of me (and my starbucks) before his need to just get out of the workclothes...and just so much more...

As I said...

He probably won't like this...a post about HIM...

but, he knows my need to express...to sometimes let out every thought that passes in my head...and he loves me regardless...and though it may not be his preference, he encourages and spurs me on...

Happy Valentine's Day my Love!

I am My Father's Daughter

While washing my face yesterday morning, my dear Little Munchkin expressed to me a similarity that she had noticed...

"Mommy, you look JUST like Grandpa"

Now, this comment can be taken in a number of ways...I've always known that I tend to resemble my paternal side of the family and the fact that my youngest has the recollection and thoughtfulness to notice is to be commended...

On the other hand, I believe she was referring to the large wrinkles that have taken up residence on my forehead...

"Oh," I replied, "Do I look a little bit like him sweety?"

She then said, "Ooooo and you have a moustache too!"

And there you have it folks...out of the mouth of babes...

If you will excuse me, apparantly I need to make an appointment with a beautician who specialilzes in waxing and anti-aging remedies!!

have a good day!

Clap, Clap, Stomp...oh forget it!

Never before have I been SO struck with the reality that I have absolutely no rhythm or coordination than I was the other night as I participated in a Hip Hop class with my "Peep". 

As I watched the dreadlocked instructor "whip his hair back and forth" and shimmy his bootie in all directions across the floor, I was dumbfounded as to how to respond. 

"Wait, can you go back to that one step forward?"
"Why are your arms flailing off to that side?"
" Hold on a sec, you want me to clap where?"
"Freestyle?  FREE STYLE?  That would insist that you believe I actually HAVE a style?"
"Are you seriously jiggling? I don't WANT to jiggle, THAT's why I'm exercising in the first place!"

I laughed hard, made fun of myself muchly and hopefully burned a few calories...

At least I hope so, because after running as much as I have this past month, compounded with my jumping around in p90x and now that hip hop class...my stress fracture seems to have weakened a bit from last year...not sure where that leaves me now, but I took yesterday off completely...

Thanks Anne for asking me along...I had a fun time and though it may not be my thing, I enjoyed hanging out for the evening making fools of ourselves:)