I've been thinking about some things for a long while now. I have not come to a conclusion by any means...in fact, there are so many ins and outs and grey areas that I don't know if I'll ever have a definitive answer for every single situation...but, it's not going away...and therefore, I have to deal with it.
As you know, we have daughters...and with daughters come all sorts of fun, exciting and DRAMATIC issues. (I'm sure moms of sons could say the same thing, but I don't know since I don't have any boys, and I can only speak from my own experience)
We have reached the "tween" years with our eldest and I would be putting it lightly if I said that I've been reading up on all sorts of topics lately...everything from modesty, purity, relationships, health, skin care, social media, the internet...the list goes on and on...and my library book basket is filled to the brim.
The "latest" thing that has been brought to the forefront of my mind is the issue of modesty/purity. (however, as you continue to read this post, you'll see a blending of topics because my mind can't seem to differentiate between them all...and this is where I get stuck in the muck and pray for clear thinking)
Let me give you some background...I was brought up in a church where I perceived that what was acceptable were high neck collared dresses that reached down below your knees. Everything I owned was a size XL and I wore a tee-shirt and shorts over my bathing suit to any type of pool related activity. I came to believe that my body was something to hide from others...completely.
That is extreme...I don't want that for my girls and I don't honestly believe that is what God wanted either.
They already know that their mother doesn't have much fashion sense (and that's where we depend on wonderful aunts that know their way around a shopping mall and make-up counters)
Sweetpea isn't even into the whole fashion scene at all yet...she just wants to be comfortable and look nice...but, I know a time is coming when we'll have to address the "fashion" of this era and what "everyone else" is wearing. And, I have to tell you, that I'm a bit nervous.
It's always been a slippery slope...fashions get more and more "loose" and extreme...and what is deemed "IN" will always push the boundaries...it's what our culture does...
But, how to live with it? I'm struggling...(thankful that I hopefully have a few more months/years to dwell on it before we have to take a stand on something...but still, I want to start having those conversations now...)
Let me give you just one example of something that happened the other day...something that just gave me more to think about (because it deals not just with what someone is wearing, or not wearing, but what exactly are they are trying to convey).
Just the other day, due to some married woman's need to post a picture of her half naked/bikini clad self on facebook, my husband turned to me and said, "thank you for not doing this ..." and quickly scrolled away and ultimately ended up "defriending" her from his account...(Italian Stallion has made it clear to me that he "only has eyes for me"...he has made it a purposeful decision to live this way...I'm not saying that I've married a perfect man...nor am I claiming that temptation is never a problem..I do NOT want to sound like we have "arrived" by any means!!! I only say this because he has given me insight into how guys think and the measures he has taken, and continues to take to live according to what he believes God has called him)
My first reaction was to judge...I know it's wrong...but, I did...what purpose does a woman have in posting such a picture where she knows that her "friends" are males...she must also realize that in doing so, she's going to cause other women to covet and become jealous...she's going to cause men to desire her body...don't get me wrong...I would be lying if I said it doesn't feel good to get whistled at or have people comment about my "looks"...who doesn't like a compliment? But to what end? When there is little left to the imagination, how does that affect someone else's thought life?
But, does it even matter? Maybe God doesn't care about it...maybe He just made us to be that way and doesn't mind when we flaunt it? Maybe He wants to punish the people who have those thoughts after looking at such images? Maybe He thinks it's perfectly fine to show everything (but just a few covered spots:), especially if you've worked out so long and have it to show? Maybe I'm only responsible for myself, and if I know I look good then the heck with everyone else, it's their problem?
It goes even further than clothing...Would you agree that there is something in us that just "knows" when someone is trying to "prove" something rather than just sharing their life with you? I find it increasingly more difficult to scroll through pictures on facebook when I have that "feeling" that the "friend" is trying to "show off"...I've been guilty of it myself...I get proud when my kiddos do something...or when we actually don't kill the pepper plants...I'm utterfly thankful for what God has blessed us with...but, how do I or do I even, share with my friends and family?
What am I trying to convey?...what is my purpose? Do I want others to be jealous of me? Do I want others to compliment me? Do I want others to know how great I have it?
You are reading words from a photographer...someone who LOVES herself a good picture...I feel like pictures tell stories...You've heard the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words"...they give insight into what others deem important and worthy...Pictures are memories for me...
Where am I going with all this? To be honest, when I shared my thoughts with Italian Stallion he said, "you do realize that you are blending a ton of conversations into one scenario here?" I know I am...My mind is jumbled with: what is modest? what is pure? what are the motives? what do I convey? what's the purpose?...
It started off with questions like, "Will we allow our girls to wear bikinis? (knowing that inevitably they will get posted somewhere on social media) to Why do people post certain things anyway? to What am I trying to convey about myself and what I think, when I dress or post any picture anywhere?"
Where does this leave me? I still don't have answers...everyone has justifications and their own ideas...and really, I KNOW that I'm not responsible for others raise their children...however, I'm trying to find out where I fit...it has caused me to seriously consider my own basis for not just what I wear or will allow my girls to wear, but what I 'put out there' in this generation of cyberspace and the ability to "share life" with others with a click of a button.
It all seems complicated and I don't want to get my panties all up in a bunch...but at the same time, I've said it before and I'll say it again...I'm after my girls' hearts...I will fight to the end to protect, to guide, to forgive, to heal, to cherish, to celebrate, and to travel this journey with them...in the hopes that the decisions they make, the life they lead...it will not only be immeasurably fullfilling, but will be pleasing to the One who made them so wonderfully:)
