Take the Time

I can't write it more eloquently...please read this post, if you missed it earlier this week from Ann Voskamp. 

We're adding to the family:)

Did I totally scare some of you into thinking that I'm pregnant? 

NOPE...it's not that...but, don't get me started about it b/c my youngest is almost 4 and I'm on the upswing headed to 40 and I've got to be honest that it's a little unsettling to realize that I'm ending an "era"...

but, I digress...and get way too weepy and nervous and indecisive...so let's just skip that whole talk and get to the good stuff:)

I want to share with you something our family is doing...

I hesitate to share b/c, as my husband has gently expressed to me his desire to "take our prayer shawl to the closet where no one else can see" (Matt. 6:6) And therefore, I do not boast nor want to bring attention, whether good or bad, to our new endeavor...

but, rather, I was opened up to a new perspective and some parenting holes that I possess with this decision and I thought I'd write it down to commit to prayer and memory...

First off, my husband is a quiet man...and a very generous man...and someone that I admire greatly.  I wish I COULD boast about all his "behind the scenes" work and the ways he gives both with time and in many monetary ways...but, as I have said before...he's NOT going to go for that...so you're just going to have to trust me on this...

Because he works so very hard and thinks about things, sometimes much more deeply than I, I have just followed his lead with regards to giving...where moneys need to be directed, where time needs to be spent, sacrificing one thing for something else, etc...

For about year now, however, I have had a real desire to sponsor a child (and do a whole lot more in a completely different way than where we have in the past...) the problem is that 1) money 2) we'd have to pair down some more 3) my husband would have to see this "need", b/c we weren't going to stop doing all the other things as well...

Short and sweet:  God just saw fit to do it all..BAM...just like that...

And so began our "Family board meeting"...where we decided to sponsor a child in Honduras...

This is where the parenting got a bit hard...to make your own children, who have never known a "want", who've had all their needs met, who get "extras" all the time, who are only cold b/c the car hasn't warmed up yet, who help themselves to 3 and 4 pieces of pizza....

to get them to grasp the poverty in other countries...it's mind-blowing...extremely difficult...they can't imagine or fathom it at all...

For Peanut, it was a logical decision..."this little girl doesn't have something, okay...she can have mine"..."can I have another piece of pizza now?"

For Sweetpea, it was a whole 'nother thing...her mind was reeling and her heart was aching...and yet, she didn't quite know where to go with all this information...she had an easier time giving all her money to go and BUY something rather than give something of hers away...

and THIS is where I saw my flaw...my intense desire to "hang onto things"...in my quest for savoring moments and memories and treasures...I forgot to instill the simple fact that things are just things...

This is where she and I struggle...the letting go, the sacrifice of things that are dear...

but, we're learning...we're revamping...and we're striving in a new way...

Our pastor is down in Honduras right now, with video camera and point and shoot in hand...handpicking a little girl just for our family...and we are on pins and needles waiting to hear back!

My mother in law who speaks fluent Spanish, was a huge help to us in this endeavor...as yesterday, I posted this picture:

I wrote a little book about our family to share with this little girl...


Each page has a different person from our family giving a little introduction and asking questions of her..

I wrote it all out on one sheet and sent it to my mother in law, who in turn, translated everything into Spanish...that way, someone, hopefully will be able to read it to her when Pastor Terry hands it over to her.

The booklet was put into a backpack that Peanut worked hard to earn one summer through reading books at the library. Pastor Terry told us he didn't have much room left, and so we couldn't go with a big package...he wanted it in a small bag...so we thought a backpack would work best, as she will be able to now attend school with a sponsorship.

We put as much stuff as was "scrunchable" into the backpack for her...we don't know her age, family life, grade level...only that we love her already.

I know that many people sponsor children...and I don't post all this to say, "yay, for us, we are so great cuz we're sponsoring a child"...there are a gazillion prayer warriors out there (this is an area where I lack and I am incredibly envious)...there are many others who do so much in other ways...there are many ways that even in our family, that Italian Stallion has led the way...but, as I said, although those things are tremendous...I selfishly wanted to make it more personal, if not just for me, for my girls...

and in just the decision, we saw where we need to work even more on our 'outward focus'...

I am excited about all this, but I will be completely and utterly vulnerable by saying that I know that even this great thing, can have a tendency to become a 'sin' thing if I allow my actions to be boasted to the world...I think there is a reason why Jesus asks us to come to Him privately...He knows that we can get prideful, even in doing the "right" things...

I find myself doing it all the time, "Oh, you read that book?  It's awesome, I've read this and this and this...and oh the wonders that God has taught me..."

Umm, excuse me there Mamarazzi...I believe you need to take a big piece of humble pie.

I have to tread that fine line between thankfulness/excitement/joy AND boasting/pride/look at ME!

Believe me...I'm a "look at me" kind of person too!  YIKES!

So, there you have it...that was my little "story" for the day...I will let you know when we find out her name once we receive it.  Although, I probably won't tell you about anything else that our "family board meeting" discussed...b/c we're sorta meeting in a "closet":)

Does anyone else find it odd???

...that just a few short days ago, kids were outside playing in the sunshine?  that you could open the windows in your house to actually air out the stale air from the frigid temperatures of the week prior?  that the apple juice was able to thaw in the garage after it froze 3 days before?

Okay..so maybe noone else leaves their apple juice in the garage...but the point is that it was gorgeous outside...about 3 days ago....

It was this little teaser of spring...

and now we're back to whippin' wind, horizontal sleet and ice pellets that bang on the windows like a rampant snare drum!

But, I'm learning to be thankful for the small things...the incidentals...and so, with my camera at my hip...I joined my elder daughters outside on their excursion into the wild unknown, aka our backyard that they haven't seen for about 3 months due to what I just mentioned above...

I found them doing this:

Do you need a better view?

What is it you ask?

They informed me that it was a home for animals...complete with soft cat's tail and small twigs for a bed.  Sweetpea even came inside for bread pieces to lay out as crumbs...

Here's the finished product:

My sweet girls...it's like they knew the spring weather wasn't going to last...so they made a "provisions" for others...

It reminds me of something else that's goin' on in our family...that idea of seeing beyond...

I'll be posting about that alittle bit later...but we had a fun weekend putting together a little something....:)

1000 Gifts

I finally received THE long-awaited BOOK in the mail last week.  I made myself put it on a shelf and wait...

I knew that if I started it, I wouldn't want to put it down and then I'd have more piles of laundry to deal with...(you'd think we have a gazillion clothes the way I discuss laundry, but really, it's a lack of me keeping things folded and put away and trying to teach that jeans CAN be worn at least 2 times if you haven't played outside in them)

Anyway...when I received a moment to myself (around 11:30 at night) I began my journey...

I discovered early on that this book is not one to be gulped down...but rather, needs to be sipped...or taken in very small bites...

...and then you have to take some time to chew...

I am amazed at Ann's ability to put into poetic words, the emotion and vulnerability that she has endured.  I marveled at the way she was able to weave words together...sometimes, having to reread paragraphs over and over just to allow the meaning to sink deep. 

Does is sound silly to talk about a book like you would food?  This isn't a book to be devoured...it isn't even a book to be sweetly eaten with a carefree laugh...but, neither is it painfully difficult...

Rather, it is a soul-searching journey...I don't know Ann personally...she seems like a quiet, gentle spirited woman...one who works hard, feels deeply and strives to do what is right.  She has a calmness about her that is inspiring...whereas, I am one who dives headlong into the craziness of life...often looking back and wishing I could take it back and try again...I sometimes act first and think later...

Therefore, I love to watch her journey, but am struck by the reality that I must try to find this "peace" or in her words, this "eucharisteo" or thankfulness in my own life...I must find a way to apply it in a way that fits with the way that I am wired...
Principles are true though...they are solid and foundational...and if I can but grasp those, and then seek to apply them, I think I will have begun my "training", as she calls it. 

There are times that her words stun me...not in a shocking, awful way, but in a way that shoots straight to the heart and makes you realize what you have missed...

"Do no not disdain the small.  The whole of life--even the hard--is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole."

"Is the height of my joy dependent on the depths of my thanks?"

There are countless more quotes, but I can't do them justice in a simple blog post...I must encourage anyone else to read for themselves...I have long struggled with "giving up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy, self-focus for God-communion"  But, she has discovered a way to fully live-to live full of grace and joy and all that is beauty eternal...

it is possible!

WANTED: Patience???

So many times I must pray for patience...

and yet, I know deep in my heart, that I'm not really wanting patience, but rather, circumstances that don't require patience at all...

I'd rather that a trip to the toilet be JUST a trip to the toilet and NOT a trip to the bath TUB as well...

I'd rather that a full sippy cup, potty stop, teeth brushed, prayers said, reading together and a kiss & hug would be enough to lull sleepy ones to dreamland and not 10 more climbs up and down the stairs to answer "one more question" and "could you fix the nightlight"

I'd rather that recipes just cook themselves and work out regardless of whether I've followed them to the "T" or not.

I'd rather the electricity never go out, lines never be long, snow always to melt quickly and coupons to be in my mailbox the day I actually need them.

The reality is...I can't control the circumstances...and no matter how much I WANT them to be just so, more times than not, it's not going to be that way...

Prov. 14:29 says, "A patient man has great understanding..." I guess that clues me in that patience isn't just a matter of behavior or taking a deep breath...it almost carries a "timeless" factor...meaning that it is able to put into perspective this "speck" of time, in the midst of the countless moments in earthly measurement of life...

A dictionary definition for patience is "hopeful forebearance"

To be patient is to not lose hope.
To be patient is to understand and see beyond the circumstance.
To be patient is to see reality for what it is and discern how my heart will react.

THIS is what I need...this is what I pray for...

I will continue to encounter the mishaps, the accidents, the occasional nasty driver...I can't control them...

but, I can pray that the time it takes for me to recognize and get my heart under control will be quicker than my selfish desire to lash out and react in annoyance...

Here's to hopeful forebearance!!!

Silly Old Fox, doesn't he know? There's no such thing as a Gruffalo...

To see life through their eyes...

eyes I once had...a longggggg time ago...

there is such joy in the little things

Such satisfaction in the seemingly insignificant..

such laughter and acceptance of lessons learned.

We were recently introduced to the story of The Gruffalo by my brother...his boys LOVE (and that's putting it mildly) this story...the repetition and rhyme...it makes it so much fun...

I couldn't resist sharing the whole story.  I do understand that it does take up over 6 minutes of your time...but, she's my baby...and I think it's adorable...so please enjoy...and if you don't, just tell me that you did anyway:)

A Valentine De-brief

Communication is key...

Yes, there must be love, and forgiveness, and sacrifice, and the list goes on...

these are all tools and attitudes that not only keep a marriage grounded, but keep it climbing and growing at the same time...

My Stallion and I only ever "dated" long distance...yes, we were best friends through college...dating other people, sifting through the sea of people, only to come back and "discuss" the pros and cons with each other...

It wasn't until I graduated that the realization that the "best friend Love" has now transitioned into something more...and NOW, we're nearly 9 hours away from each other...

And let's just put it out there...I'm needy and clingy and feel most loved in times of repetitive affirmation...

And another thing: this was during the time of NO cell phones...back in the stone ages when long distance cost extra!!

And so...we talked

and talked and talked and talked

and sent letters and notes and journals

We learned to "hear" body language through a tone of voice...I could tell when a smirk was rising up across his lips just by the lilt of his voice in the phone receiver...

Little did we know that all those years of practice would lead us to present day...when he has to be away from us all for work...

We have new ways to communicate: texting, email, facebook...but, he knows me best...I like to hear him...

And so, after sending a picture text of this beautiful gift that arrived at my back door...(knowing that he was probably chomping at the bit, wondering when it would arrive and not wanting to call before hand lest he give it away)

I got that call...

I could "see" him smiling...so big that your eyes almost get squinty...and then the nonchalant, "OH...so you got that huh?"

He only had 2 minutes, in between meetings...

He gives me all 120 seconds...I love that I can "hear" and "see" that he wants to give me more...

It was sad to not be together...but, at the same time, it's been fun to fall back on old lessons learned...like getting on a bike after a long winter...only to find that you still know how to ride and you still love the feel of the wind in your face.

The girls and I made it special with a homemade dinner and place settings...

I discovered my NEW FAVORITE STORE: Hobby Lobby...it's a treasure trove of craftiness...and sea of indecision but, so worth it to ride the waves!

Sweetpea sooo wanted Susan of Narnia arrows to finish off her outfit...and Peanut needed Lucy's dagger...my dad came to my rescue with the dagger...he and I...yup, we're the treasure keepers...he was able to locate a rubbery dagger in the midst of his "collection" and gave me a couple to work with...Along with some brown foam, some gold plastic-y twine stuff and a few wooden rods...we ahd some great Valentine Gifts for the older girls:)  Little Munchkin got a new Cd with a book AND she got to hang out with Mommy all day...that's a plus in my book:)

It's worth celebrating Valentine's Day...just another reminder...in case it's been a long winter for you:)

((if you are friends on facebook, you can see the whole album of pictures there:))