I am not exempt...
there are a gazillion things that I wish I could RESOLVE to do...
I want to blog more, exercise, lose weight, eat right, spend more time in the flower bed, keep my house clean, keep up with laundry, read more professional books, practice more photography...
Nearly everything that I've ever "resolved" to do has involved ACTING on something...
And to be completely honest...I get burned out...
I've always been a person who has had to "do more"..."be the best"...I've always expected more out of myself than what I probably should have...
Don't get me wrong...I don't think it's wrong to try...to strive to be good at something...
The trouble is, at least for me, that in my striving, in my climbing to the top...I often forget WHO I am along the way...I know that sounds cliche', but let me explain...
I've always DONE and ACTED out of different motivations...I have called it "challenging myself" or "setting expectations" or "people pleasing" or "a competitive nature"... It's this intrisic desire to "check it off"...to proclaim to the world that I've accomplished something...it started in elementary school and continued until about mid way through my freshman year in college when I finally burnt out...although it still comes back in spurts...it usually happens when I "feel" like I"m not MORE...(more of what, I don't know...but it's usually when I don't feel content with myself or things around me)
Again, I'm not saying that I don't think it's good to try...(I practice continually with photography and I've recently started exercising again)...It's when "motivations" take hold of me...take ALL my focus and energy...it's when those THINGS that are seemingly "good things" to IMPROVE me, start to overpower me...and my whole BEING feels compelled to accomplish the task...sometimes at the expense of time with family and even sleep...and my contentedness with myself & who I was made to be is then marred with the lack of a certain accomplishment or disappointment...
One of my BFFs directed me again to a different concept with regards to resolutions...I've heard of it before, but have never explored it...
until this year...
It's called ONE WORD...
You choose one word that you resolve to use during the year...it can be anything you choose..but, I'm assuming it should be something that, when you look at the word, it strikes an inner nerve and spurs you on to BE...
This "BEing" is what strikes me...I've always associated myself with what I have accomplished...and when I think about that picture, it's a lie...I'm NOT just the cullmination of whatever I have set my mind to conquer...
I was created in the image of a God that made me unique...purely for His pleasure...with a purpose that He set out for me...
All this to say...My ONE WORD for this year is SEE...
Jesus is always saying, "Come and See" ~John 1:39
We are called to "See the wonders..." ~Ps 66:5
I want to "See his face..." ~Ps. 17:5
As I'm navigating through this life...through the endless loads of laundry...through the photo sessions of beautiful people...through the homework at the kitchen table...through the preparing of meals and packing lunches...through the sweat & effort of exercise...
I want to SEE...
...my girls' hearts
...my husband's needs
...more of God
...how God sees me
...situations for what they are and not what I make them out to be in my head
...deeper to the soul of a person and not just the outside
...good, when bad is all around
...the personalities and relationships of the people I encounter
...beauty, when my mood tells me otherwise
...clearly and not through whatever "glasses" I've put on b/c of my past experiences
This is my New Year's Resolution...
My hope is that in my SEEing this year, my heart will draw closer to Him...that my vision will change and become closer to what He sees...and in turn, it will allow me to offer more grace not only to others, but to myself as well:)
