I just pretend that I have nothing better to do than to sit in a chair with a cup of tea and read a book.
It's not that life is uber stressful by any means...I think I just have a lot going on in my mind...it doesn't seem to want to shut off...and then that grey matter starts having arguments with itself...and believe it or not, I often feel like "it" is arguing and I'm just sitting there listening to both sides...
It's "this" part of me that just sort of gives up, grabs a book and forgets...
There is a lot of emotion that has gathered in my brain about our decision to keep Little Munchkin home this year...couple that with the fact that we are, in fact, homeschooling her at the same time...coupled with the desire to spend lots of time with her during this last year of her being home and just ENJOYING being a 5 year old...
smoosh that together with loads of laundry, soccer games and practices, drama of a newly 5th grader...wonderings of whether I'm parenting correctly...or enough...if I'm challenging them enough, getting them involved in enough activities or dropping the ball...
throw on top of that, the desire for this new puppy to be a GREAT addition to our family...the desire to be the BEST trainer in the world (i.e a mini-cesar milan)
file into more drawers of the brain, the desire to do photography well, to grow a business in a way that still allows me to have my own schedule and hang with the girls at school without sacrificing time with them because of all the massive amounts of editing that photography procures...
and then you can add a pinch of guilt because I do have to spend time on the computer doing "said stuff" and that takes away from the kids, so then I think I should "buy" them something...and then my brain starts the arguing again, because who, in their right mind, tries to buy love and forgiveness???
Wow...hello insight into the crazy mind of this late night mamarazzi...
It comes down to my never satiated desire for validation/affirmation...I keep thinking that if I "hear' that I'm doing well, then I'll be okay...but it really doesn't matter how many people say good or bad things...I still struggle...
And now this leads me to wonder what in the world will the girls I have birthed become if their mother is a crazy-minded ninny who can't seem to stay in reality for a long enough time to get 3 loads of laundry finished in a day!!!
Oh well...
the latest book I have delved into to avoid my silly brain is this:
just another delightful read...the author was actually born in 1925..but she writes with a slight, more contemporary wit and humor...however, the storyline is still classic and sweet and just a sweet, quick read:) I love those kinds best:)
That's it for now...I'm going to see if my brain will actually shut off for a few hours while I try to catch some zzzzz's...I've got a fun wedding to shoot on Saturday and I want to be at the top of my game:)
