Why is it that when I want to be the most patient...the most attentive...the most in tune with my children...
THAT'S the time I 'bout bite their sweet little heads off? That's the moment I get angry over the fact that things didn't go my way...that's the situation where the other child is screaming from the top of the steps over something that really doesn't matter much, but I still have to stop what I'm doing to rectify the problem...
WHY do I struggle so much with this? I know what I want to be...I know how I want to respond and yet I constantly battle my emotions of impatience and frustration and annoyance.
WHY do I struggle with realizing that these moments are just seasons...fleeting...I won't remember the dried up play dough ground into my carpet in 10 years...I probably won't remember it in 2 days with the way my memory works...
but OH, I just get so frustrated with myself...my lack of perspective sometimes...
These are days we are given...these are the moments we get to choose to cherish or throw away...these are the times that we can choose to be a mom who shows them how to handle life with quiet strength and grace OR how to throw an adult temper tantrum because the dishes are still in the sink and I haven't been able to even go to the bathroom yet this morning b/c everyone seems to NEED me RIGHT NOW!
I WANT to do better...I WANT to be a wife that my husband likes to be around b/c I can take things in stride and bring laughter to the table...I WANT to be a mommy that is fun, that knows when it's time to be serious, but does it with gentleness and patience...
I NEED to be better at this...I NEED to work harder and cause my heart to think on things that matter instead of what just "has to get done"...
Another great blog by Miss Ann Helped me once again gain a better view of my little world inside this house...
Italian Stallion and I are leaving soon for our trip...I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I do have "fear" where anything concerning leaving my children in the care of others, is concerned...I could give you a list a mile long with all my "what ifs"...but, as we get closer, God ALWAYS does this for me...He reminds me that my Italian Stallion was my first "gift" when He made our family...I get so caught up in mommy-dom that I often forget that...the children often come "first"...because, can you really put off the potty when they're squeezing their little legs and bouncing around the room? I think not!
It's a whole balancing act, this life...of being wife and mommy...friend and mentor...teacher and student...I haven't figured it out...I don't know if anyone ever does, but I do find some people closer than others...and I'm watching and learning...
Though I have blown it more than once this past week in our preparations for the trip...blown it with my kids (see above) AND with my husband...I am trying to take each day and remember it is a gift and try to LIVE IN THE DAY with them...not 2 weeks ahead of schedule, not lingering on what I wish would've happened...but, living right now...trying to enjoy...taking deep breaths when I want to scream...cuddling when I want to be alone...
Small victories...I will be content with that for now...
