It's not as if I haven't had much to write about...it's probably more the fact that it's easier to just share pics on facebook and the fact that I'm not a big fan of debate...and the things that are going through my mind sometimes, lend themselves to "discussion"...and while I'm happy to have those discussions in person, I'm not all that excited about hashing it out for all the world to see.
So, those are my excuses...
they are lame...
I know...
But, here we are at the beginning of 2014 and I realize that my word for 2013 was SEE...that I would SEE as God sees...my husband, my children, my friends, strangers...
I will say that I had an awakening of sorts...and sometimes that brings pain....
I attempted to look past my own present day-in, day-out...and sometimes my heart broke...
sometimes I failed miserably and "saw" only what I wanted to see...
sometimes I saw something and was called to speak that which was true when I'd really rather just keep my mouth shut...
I learned more about my girls this year...tapped into a part of their hearts and discovered so much that my heart nearly burst..and it brought me to my knees in gratefulness and yet, steady prayer for the future.
I am struggling with a WORD for 2014...There are a gazillion things I'd love to "change" about myself...things I need to work on...let's face it...I'm a huge "work in progress" story, so to narrow it to one thing...UGH
and not only that...to actually have the meaning sink deep...
I started to think about the person I am now...and where I want to be...and what is it that keeps me from getting there??? And goodness that list is LONGGGGG...
I then started compiling lists of words that could work...to be my focus for the year...and good grief, I couldn't make a decision!!!
I'm indecisive by nature. I remember after going out one evening with Italian Stallion, I called my brother (we were both in college at the time)...I relayed the story of the date to him...He was quiet for a bit and then he just, point blank said, "He's the one you're gonna marry"...I'm not sure if those were his exact words, but it was something along those lines that caused me to question him as to his assuredness to this "fact"...He said it was because Italian Stallion made me make decisions about things. It wasn't that he didn't know where to eat or what movie to see...it was rather, that he knew that I would avoid a decision like the plague because I've always struggled with confidence about decision making...and even wayyyy back then, he began working on me...encouraging me to see that I COULD make good decisions...
I also tend to be a "feeler"...and if truth be known, I probably enjoy playing the role of "victim" much more than I should..."it's so and so's fault...I can't control the way I feel...because this happened to me, I'm this way"...and the list goes on...
What I realized is that I hang onto the lie that there is no hope...I wallow...BIG TIME...
When in reality, we all have a choice...
No we can't help how we "feel", we can't help what things happen to us, we can't help how people react to us, we can't control the weather or even the stock market...HOWEVER, we have a CHOICE how we react to it...how we CHOOSE to respond to our emotions...to the situations that life throws at us...
I'm sad to say that I often CHOOSE to give in to my proneness to sin, instead of fighting it...I "victimize" myself and then I become paralyzed and want others to get me out...
Have you figured out my word yet?
CHOOSE...
I want a reminder this year, that God gives me a choice...He allows me to choose how I will react...He allows me to choose joy, choose to serve, choose to release the past, choose to take a breath and be patient with my girls, choose to sacrifice my time, choose to sleep in or get up early...
Josh 24:15 "choose you this day..."
Proverbs has a lot to say about choosing your words
There are countless others that reiterate a call to make a choice...choose to love, choose to obey, choose to rest...
Infact, I realize that this word actually encompasses a whole lot of other words...like choosing: grace, patience, forgiveness, humility
I realize this and thus my struggle with narrowing it down to one word this year...
Italian Stallion and I have decided to adopt this word for our family as well...something that we will focus on together...taking aspects of our choices and how it pertains to our relationships, school, work ethics, etc...
I settled on CHOOSE instead of Choice, because I wanted a verb and not a noun...something that will pull me out of the rat race to which I often succumb...remind me that I don't have to let my emotions get the better of me...
I will fail at this...I will choose poorly...and sometimes the choice won't have a right or wrong or better or best...(and those are often the most difficult for me to swallow) But, I hope that I remember that I am not a slave to whatever anyone else thinks, nor to my past, nor to my own inadequacies...
I so have a feeling that perhaps after this year, my 2015 word might need to be REST :) but, so be it...
It's a big year this year...I turn 40...we'll celebrate 15 years of marriage...I only have 6 more years with my eldest under my roof...I'd say that I'm ready for the challenge!!! and I do not want to let a moment go to waste!
Happy New Year to you all!!!
